Musings

There are those who seem to have a stylized idea of what the BDSM lifestyle is.  For them it’s a collection of leather and pain collated in one location for a short period.  We’ve all seen the various leather goods that permeate events such as Beyond Vanilla and the Folsom Street Fair.  Fetish attire is by far a common element throughout and it engenders certain views which are not quite accurate.

 This is further compounded by the kinky porn on the Internet.  Many are not engaged in the social aspects of our community.  For them their obsession with BDSM is restricted to porn, day-dreaming and perhaps the occasional slap and tickle with their vanilla significant other.  As can be expected these day dreams eventually result in a wildly fantastical opinion of what it is we actually do.

Being the kind, generous soul that I am; I thought it would be a good time to let everyone in on the secret of the kinky BDSM community:

There isn’t one.

The community is vast and composed of infinite variety.  It’s not all about the leather fetish gear and our events are not solely populated by dominatrix’s who prowl for young men to humiliate.  We’re a collection of people who are tied together by a common thread in that we’re all kinky.  How that kink manifests changes from person to person.

For example: I am a “male” submissive.  If you were to go to collarme.com, alt.com or bondage.com, you would be deluged by an entire army of male submissives.  The vast majority of the personal ads would involve words such as “worshipping women”, “serving my mistress in every way”…etc…etc.  Some would be a bit more risqué, such as the men who want to be used as a human toilet.  Each ad would appear remarkably similar and by perusing the websites you may come to some conclusions about what male submissives want from the BDSM community.  Yet if you were to talk with them directly for a bit of time, you may be surprised to realize that many of them have completely different desires.  What you see in the personal ads is what’s expected of a submissive personal ad.  It’s been colored by the stylized image of what people think BDSM is.  Reality does not set in until after you truly begin talking to the individual.

Of course, this does not sidetrack my firm belief that many, if not the vast majority, of males submissives on such sites are just there for wank material.  Sure they might be nice guys who are fun to hang out with.  Hell, I might go so far as to date some.  That doesn’t mean I don’t look at their personal ads with some degree of scorn.

This takes us on a tangent to the original purpose of this post.  I do not like male submissives.  Try as I might, male submissives always make my hackles rise.  I see one and all I can think is “I must dominate this person”.  It is a rare day when you will see me actually bond as a submissive with other men.  I might like them; there are male submissives I have met who are genuinely decent guys.  I just will not mesh with some as another submissive.  They are instantly below me in the pecking order that is my mind and as such, they must be dominated.  Miss Lotus had a chance to see the tiniest glimpse into my dominant nature when another male submissive was at her apartment.  I was obedient to her orders, with a touch more ‘Smart Ass Masochist’, but I instantly began ordering the other submissive around as he provided the service he was contracted for.  It was a natural reaction.

Female submissives, on the other hand, I get along with.  I don’t know exactly why that is.  I can connect with them as a submissive without feeling the need to be dominant.  Sure I’ve playfully topped an ex in the past when we were in a close, poly relationship, but it was as a game or because I was order to.  It was not a natural desire like I have with men.

I suppose it could be that, to an extent and despite my feminine qualities, I do still have a penis.  Men are naturally competitive and there’s no reason why the world of kink should be exempt from such competition.